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The end of Marara? part 2 by !KananaShikikan:iconKananaShikikan:



Dark Marara stood stunned "why isin't she there? what just happened? did I miss someting?" Dark Marara suddenly lifted her sharp shooter and BOOM it cracked into the sky. "WHERE IS SHE!!!!" She roared out.
Meanwhile a shadow came through the wall of an old cottage and was carrying Marara. Soon his skin brightened and revealed a grey keronian with a red eye hidden under a grey strand of hair. He gently set Marara down and wrapped her arm and stuck a huge bandage on her back. Marara began to blink and open her eyes and saw Yamimi. " Ya-Ya-Yamimi?" she whispered softly so Yamimi had to lower his head to hear. " yeah it's me" repied Yamimi. Tears began to sream out of Marara's eyes and she tightly hugged Yamimi. "oh thank you" she said louder this time. she lay back down on the straw mat when she saw the red blood dripping on to it. He handed her an herb she was not firmiliar with. "eat this" commanded Yamimi. trusting Yamimi she took the herb and stuffed it in her mouth, almost trowing up from the taste. "what was that?" she asked
"it was an undiscovered herb I call the healing herb." replied Yamimi
"wow" said Marara looking at the vanishing bruses and cuts. Marara began to stand up but she immediately fell down on top of Yamimi. "Ouch!" they said together. soon Marara and Yamimi looked at eachother and blushed. Then Marara quickly got off Yamimi. Yamimi stood up and brushed dust off his grey legs and helped Marara up.
"Yamimi who was that girl who attacked me I know she said she was me but still how was this possible?" asked Marara
"You wanna know the story?" said Yamimi. Marara quickly nodded her head. "Alright well there is a dark spirit who finds keronians to make a clone of and he sends the clone to destroy the original form. If the clone sucseeds then everyone who knew the original keronian was forgotten. this spirit is planning on taking over this way so he can have everything his way. So you be careful."
"I can fight it! I can take it!" said marara sternly
"no" replied Yamimi "he designed them to be much stronger than you so it would be easier to beat you."
"wow. so I should really stay away from her." replied Marara
"yes and there is even a Dark version of me." replied Yamimi.
Suddenly a shadow appeared resembeling Yamimi
"run Marara he is here and I don't want him hurting you." Yamimi ordered
"But Yamimi!" said Marara
"GO!" yelled Yamimi as the shape began becoming clearer.
Marara ran from the cottage and heard the painful yell of Yamimi from the cottage.
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Submitted: May 11
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stay tuned for part 3

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~RyoNeko48:iconRyoNeko48: May 11, 2008, 4:53:53 AM
Wow, now you're getting my attention on keep reading it, can't wait for part 3

--
Sakuku Goucho (Corporal), leader of the Sakuku Shoutai (Platoon) :salute:

A strong man doesn't read the future. He makes his own.
!KananaShikikan:iconKananaShikikan: May 11, 2008, 8:04:53 AM
thanx ^-^

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:salute: I am Marara Shikikan A high fighting jetflyer of the Sakuku platoon :salute:
Hee Hee RANDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >0
0w0 y me I am so Kawaii?
HEE HEE TAICHO DONNO WILL RULE YOU ALL
you all are Vlei people <3 this Llama! [link]
~Sgtboy12:iconSgtboy12: May 11, 2008, 11:49:44 AM
Dark srokoko: Wow i can't wait to see what happen next.

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Im srokoko gunso the leader of the srokoko platoon :salute: and a member of the X-Holicz
!KananaShikikan:iconKananaShikikan: May 11, 2008, 12:15:26 PM
Marara: thanx

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:salute: I am Marara Shikikan A high fighting jetflyer of the Sakuku platoon :salute:
Hee Hee RANDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >0
0w0 y me I am so Kawaii?
HEE HEE TAICHO DONNO WILL RULE YOU ALL
you all are Vlei people <3 this Llama! [link]
~Sgtboy12:iconSgtboy12: May 11, 2008, 12:16:10 PM
Dark srokoko: Your welcome ^^

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Im srokoko gunso the leader of the srokoko platoon :salute: and a member of the X-Holicz
!KiraraGensui:iconKiraraGensui: May 11, 2008, 6:44:14 PM
I don't like the sudden transition from "here's the healing herbs" to "oh nooo!!! There's a dark Yamimi!!!" It's very unnatural. Overall, the story's very choppy. And "dark spirit" ? Just to let you know, spirits aren't mad scientists. They also "take over" in more indirect ways. (trust me, I know these things about spirits and necromancy and such). One last thing...change "so softly" to "almost inaudibly". It sounds better that way. I hope this proves helpful to future writings.

sincerily,
KiraraGensui

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:salute: Tayaya, proud member and melee fighter of the Sakuku platoon. :salute:
!KananaShikikan:iconKananaShikikan: May 11, 2008, 7:02:52 PM
yeah I am not a great storywriter so I don't count on being an author

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:salute: I am Marara Shikikan A high fighting jetflyer of the Sakuku platoon :salute:
Hee Hee RANDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >0
0w0 y me I am so Kawaii?
HEE HEE TAICHO DONNO WILL RULE YOU ALL
you all are Vlei people <3 this Llama! [link]
!KiraraGensui:iconKiraraGensui: May 11, 2008, 7:05:24 PM
ha. You should at least try

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:salute: Tayaya, proud member and melee fighter of the Sakuku platoon. :salute:
!KananaShikikan:iconKananaShikikan: May 11, 2008, 7:06:14 PM
ok

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:salute: I am Marara Shikikan A high fighting jetflyer of the Sakuku platoon :salute:
Hee Hee RANDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >0
0w0 y me I am so Kawaii?
HEE HEE TAICHO DONNO WILL RULE YOU ALL
you all are Vlei people <3 this Llama! [link]